Dance Articles
Ask me to dance

Why won't men ask me to dance?

by: Tibor Kaldor

This is the foremost question many women ponder sitting bored at a dance event.

“Why do I have to wait for someone to ask me to dance?”

You don’t! Get up out of your chair, cruise the floor, make yourself visible, walk over to a likely man and ask, “May I have a dance.” Admittedly, for a woman, or even a man, this takes a bit of courage. The fact is every person at this event has come to dance. The likelihood is strong that that you won’t be refused. This is the rule: you must dance with someone who requests. You must dance at least one dance; it is simply polite.

However, there are a few polite excuses. Like “I am so sorry, I just refused that other person, and immediately I cannot accept from you. Anyways, I just danced 19 songs in a row, and I have to sit down for a second. Please ask me again later.”

When you receive a “yes, I would love to,” it’s an idea to introduce yourself. You could say “I’m just a beginner, so please be gentle.” Most men are flattered to be asked, and are pleased as punch to give the ladies a hand. On the other hand, most women are flattered to be asked, and are pleased as pansies to give the man a hand.

When you’re done, say thank you, and drag (escort) the lady back to her seat, unless she is grabbed en-route by some other eager man. If your dance with this person was not a particularly satisfying experience, resist offering advice, or if you really want to help, be brief. Try to be pleasant and even upbeat; recall your learning period. Avoid saying “Don’t ask me again, especially until you’ve learned how to step on the floor, not my feet”.

Beginner dancers are shy and embarrassed and therefore deterred from freely asking a stranger for a dance. It may feel comfortable and secure to always dance with your regular partner, but it’s like the blind leading the blind. As with any new experience, beginners must persevere to climb this platform and reach a higher level. Beginners should ask more experienced dancers because here they will find consideration and guidance. More experienced dancers should offer dances to starters in a spirit of mentorship. It builds confidence on both sides.

A dance is a social event. Make new friends, get acquainted, and arrange a rendez-vous. That’s a fancy word for dance practice. You’re not yet being invited to meet the parents. You’re being invited to assist the other person to facilitate the learning process at a workshop or an evening of dance. You will both benefit by being more competent and confident. This applies strongly to couples as well; when you meet another couple, dance with them.

If you are going to ask the other person on a dance “date”, advice for that is whole other subject. Dance patterns for a date event are the same, however tread carefully with the emotion patterns.

See you on the parquet. That’s a fancy word for “Enjoy dancing”.

by Tibor Káldor, Teacher
University of Calgary Ballroom Dance Club
Telephone 403-399-0123

See also Another Tango in Paris by Tibor Káldor
See also: History of Dance, Dance Syllabus, Dance Terms and definitions, Dance Tips, free Dance Videos.

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